Thursday, August 28, 2008

The Death of Hope

I think we've all felt it. A seeming innocuous event that pivots us in ways we never thought possible. Or an event so huge and predicted we will never be the same. We look at the world from a jaded perspective from that one point forward. Everything becomes related to that one event; those words spoken that can never be taken back; that action that seems unreal; and forgiveness is not possible, our life's path changed forever. How can I say a seeming innocuous event? Because we are cruising along through our lives and observing something and putting some hope on it that we may not recognize we are, and then something changes, right before our eyes, and that event changes us, sometimes to our core. I can remember the one event that changed things for me; defined my entire life. It made me determined to be financially successful, to never have to depend on anyone. And it happened. I was financially successful for a while, and then another event happened that changed me again, and I wasn't financially sound. I was dependent on the kindness of others while I self-destructed, and they weren't kind to me. What a big surprise. But in all of that I found a new hope. One inside of myself that is not dependent on the world around me, financial success or failure, or events that I used to let shape me. It is my hope and belief in myself and my abilities and capabilities. So I don't know that hope actually dies, I believe events we hoped for die, but hope itself is fluid, it takes a different shape and a different aura, and we can look to it and grasp on with the peace of knowing that it will never abandon us. It may look different, it may feel different, it may be different than what we had, but it is there to guide and support us in all that we endeavor to do and be.

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