Sunday, October 26, 2008

My family

It has been good to see my family. I have never met my second cousins, Azure and Iris. Azure is four, Iris is almost one. They are my favorite cousin Jefferson's kids. I had never met his wife either, but when their relationship started I heard all sorts of strange things, however, they seem to be content, and focused on raising the kids. I don't think Jefferson set out to have children, but Gail got pregnant and he decided it might be okay. I know it also helps that he's on the road with the Yamaha team several months out of the year. Everyone is looking good, having fun and living life.

One of the things that I always tried to do in my younger days was keep up with them, adventure wise. I don't do that anymore. They have money, chasing money only fed my drinking problem. They have each other, and I have recently decided to stay single. They haven't put themselves through the hell I put myself through, so they haven't had to rebuild a life from scratch. And oddly, the jealously I used to feel about their exciting lives isn't there. I'm happy for them, and it really is fun to hear their stories, but my life is pretty okay, I am okay with the direction I'm going. I go to meetings, I work, I write, I have Callie. It's a very quiet life, missing the high drama and insanity of my drinking days, and the respite is much needed. And I also know my life is subject to change. As I rebuild I'll be able to do more, go more places, have a life that I'm content with living because it is by my design. And I think contentment is what we're all after in the end. Life itself is a challenge, but with inner peace comes just a feeling of "this is okay the way it is", and there is something really neat around the corner if I keep my eyes open.

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