Saturday, November 29, 2008

NaNo month coming to a close

The National Novel Writing Month is coming to a close. Officially ending tomorrow, stress release parties to follow shortly after, I'm sure. It has been a good experience for me. It is not a very good story, but I pounded it out. I found places for writing that I never thought possible in my schedule, and I still had time for Callie and working out, working 40 hours a week through the holiday rush, and sleeping and eating right...and the house isn't too terribly dirty... :-)

My protagonist also helped me get through Step 4. It would make sense that my hero is a woman in recovery. It is simply what I know because I've lived with it on my sleeve for the past year and some months. I'm told that's common in the first couple of years. It is right out there in front, who you are now, as opposed to the hell you were before. Then, somewhere it becomes magically ingrained into a part of who you are always. Still the number one priority, but not living, sleeping and eating it. Anyway, I'm glad she showed up. She is a good character and a good person, and I like her. She has helped me view my character defects and learn to let go of them and of the past...there are so many things I wish had been different...but they are what they are and I can't change it. I wish I could forget it, but I can't do that either. It has pivoted me and made me look at life and men very differently. I look at a specific person and their agenda and I now have no room for anyone else in my life who has a total disregard for another human being that they say they love, but whose life is not important except to further their own selfish, blurred goals. I am all too happy to let go of that past, but still can't help wishing it had never happened. I guess that is the cross I bear.

I've gotten clear on people's motivation by watching others, and by reflecting and then by writing about it. The question was posed on the NaNo Website "what writing means to you?" It means everything to me. It is a safe place for me to go, and uncover, discover and discard any thoughts and beliefs that I may have that could be distorted. It also helps me tell the truth in ways I never can express verbally. It helps me see people for who they are, for what motivates them, for what drives them.

This has been a really good project, and I am very glad that there were many thousands of other NaNO's who suffered the grueling word count with me!

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