Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Today is a milestone day

Today I close escrow on a town home for Callie, Abbie, Nicholas and me.  It is a big day and one certainly filled with mixed emotions.  I never believed I deserved anything good in my life and I set out to prove it. Boy, did I prove it, and then some.  Lost in the abyss of addiction and one bad choice after another because I couldn't stop drinking.  I wouldn't stop drinking.  I drove, systematically, everything and everyone I loved out of my life, some for good.  Three short years ago, I was standing at the crossroads the big book talks about and was literally looking at the choice of life or death.  Frankly, I was leaning towards death.  Somehow, something bigger than me pulled me from that deep, dark hole and saved my life.  I will be three years sober in July, and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic.  There are those that believe because of the choices I made while drinking, I don't deserve anything good in this life now or ever.  I question it sometimes to be sure.  I still don't think sometimes I deserve anything good.  The thing that comes to mind in this now sober head, is that I deserve what I work for.  When I was drinking, I didn't work at anything but drinking, so the results were what you'd expect.  For the last three years I have worked hard at my sobriety, a job, creating balance in my life and keeping my priorities straight.  I think I have succeeded in almost all areas because I know sobriety is my number one priority above absolutely everything else.  To those I loved and lost because of my choices then, I wish you well.  No matter what, I hope you find what you are looking for and that it brings you happiness and serenity.  I never thought I would walk this world without a partner, but I know now this path is mine to walk alone and  I believe that with my continued sobriety and the power of program, all will be well.

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