Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Three years

Today I celebrate three years of sobriety.  I don't care what anyone says, I like getting that chip.  It shows a milestone of progress in spiritual, emotional and financial growth.  All of the things promised by the program are coming true.  "If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.  We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness."  That portion of the Big Book goes on to say so much more.  We will know serenity and we will know peace.  I am surprised most days still.  One of the men in my group used to say a lot, "time takes time".  That annoyed the crap out of me.  I wanted to know how long, what time, when would it all arrive.  I had stuff to get done now that I was sober, I didn't have time to take time.  HA!  Once I started to take it easy on myself and let the process of life unfold before me as  I worked on my recovery, time showed up.  Everything that I thought I wanted was here, seemingly suddenly.  Though I know better.  It is through the process of working the program and living life on life's terms.  There are no shortcuts, and I am grateful for the journey I have been on and hope to continue down this path for the rest of my life.  Things have not always worked out the way I want, but I am convinced they have worked out the way they are supposed to work.  There are still things I miss.  A relationship is a big one, but it is not time and I know deep in my heart I am not ready.  I don't know if I ever will be.  The rest has come in it's own time, maybe this will too.  In the meantime, today I have choices that three years ago I didn't have, and I am forever grateful that I found sobriety and am alive to share my experience, strength and hope, however skewed it may be.

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