Isn't that precious

Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport. The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South.

When the conversation centered on whether they had any children the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me." The lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz." Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet." Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"

"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.

"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh my God! What on earth for?".

The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying "Who gives a shit?" I learned to say, "Well, isn't that precious?

That first drink

Someone called me at work last night, apparently very drunk, but hung up before I could get to the phone. I hope it's not who I think it was. This person has been struggling for some time, and sits in strong acceptance/denial. I understand, I sat there for a very long time. Pretty soon we have to face the fact that drinking for us leads to extremely egregious behavior and the damage we do is almost unbelievable. I remember my first drink after five months of sobriety like it was yesterday. It was the beginning of the end of a potentially great relationship with someone I loved very much, but I couldn't see that coming.

I had made a huge geographic change after only a short time sober, which is strongly advised against by any recovering addict (I didn't know until a couple of weeks ago why. One out of two people who make as big a change as I made drink. No one knows why, but we do). But I was in love and still had poor judgement with such a short time out of the bag. I was having a pretty good day, things were just cruising along. I figured I'd get a job soon, I had the house pretty well put together, we could walk through it at least. He was at work, and I stopped at a convenience store. I was thinking I'd just have one and the bottle would last me about a week. Ha! It lasted about 10 minutes, but the nightmare lasted eight months. Until I had to go to rehab, relapsed after that, got kicked out, and had to sell everything I owned and come home with my tail between my legs. The memories that I can recall are so painful. I believe they will be with me the rest of my life. I don't think that's a bad thing, it will help keep me from picking up that first drink ever again. Because I know...it will never be "just one". The hard fought self-respect I have worked so hard to re-establish with myself will be gone. The spiritual, financial and emotional bankruptcy that I have worked through will be gone. My new life that I cherish so much will be gone. Callie will be gone, Abbie will be gone. Any potential new love I am thinking about will be gone. And it will be that fast! I still hurt so bad over what I did...and I did more damage even after I sobered up by blaming the other person; but I move forward because there can be great growth in the healing of that pain and in the end, I have to believe I will be a better person...I hope.

Walking the Dog

Callie and I hit the road each morning after my meeting. I used to take her with me and leave her in the car so we could go straight from the meeting to our morning adventure. Then she ate my steering wheel, so now I go home and pick her up. When we first started walking, a walk around the block was a big deal for her, she was that little. Now the girl can cover some territory! We have so many great places to walk in this town, but our favorite has been our own little neighborhood. We live about six blocks from Sherwood Park, so we wander down there, do a loop or two. Sherwood has the miles marked and it is a one mile loop once around. That gives her some interaction with other dogs on the way. Then we head over to 1st street and up to Hillcrest to do some uphill and play in the irrigation canal. It is tough to find hill work around here unless you drive a little ways out of town. The valley floor is flat, flat, flat. Then we wind our way by St. Mary's Hospital and home again. It is always a nice walk, we usually see the same people. They make a big fuss over Callie that she just eats up! It feels good to get out and do the physical work, I get tired of my own mind, it begins to feel like a prison, the same thing over and over again. Writing sometimes helps, but my brain still churns. There is still so much of the past I have unresolved with myself. I work at it, but if I sit too long it starts to run like a squirrel in my head.

On top of Hillcrest is the remains of the KREX-TV station. I've heard their going to rebuild it, but I haven't seen a lot of progress. It burned to the ground last spring. I hadn't been living in my current place very long, and Mom and I were going to do something and saw the smoke. When she was driving over she had that fear that it might be closer to me. I was afraid it might be close to Jim. I didn't know where he lived at the time. It was a Sunday, a quiet day in this town, most everyone is at church. The reporters, camera folks and crew come into the store frequently and that day was no different. They reported an electrical short just as they were going on the air. The fire spread fast, the fire department couldn't get there fast enough. The fire took everything except the tower that I can see from my house, and can been seen all over town. I know they are back on the air, but I don't know where they are broadcasting from, and I hear they will rebuild, but it's anybodys guess as to when. In the meantime, Callie and I cover our miles building her strength each a day and enjoying the great fall weather that if finally here, clearing my mind, making room for the new and hoping that someday I can forgive myself the past.

It's good to be the Dog

Callie usually sleeps beside me on the bed and Abbie sleeps on the pillows. Callie was watching Abbie one night and then decided to give it a try herself. She disovered Abbie was onto something pretty neat. I just love that face!

Sad, but it happens...I know

ASPEN, Colo.—An Aspen police officer has been fired and arrested on alcohol and weapons charges after the chief said he came to work drunk.
Jim Crowley, an 18-year veteran of the Aspen force, was dismissed last week and arrested on suspicion of driving while ability-impaired and prohibited use of a weapon.
Police Chief Richard Pryor says the weapons charge was filed because Crowley had a firearm in his holster at the time he was allegedly intoxicated.
Attorney Lawson Wills says Crowley went to work hung over and had not been drinking before work. Wills also says no one saw Crowley driving.
Wills says he is providing legal advice to Crowley as a friend but will not be his attorney in court proceedings.

I was fired from two jobs for drinking. The first time I was fired I denied drinking on the job. The sad thing is, I went out and got another job instead of help (I was that far in denial of my ability to "handle" my problem), and was fired from that job as well. It was only then that I decided the rest of the world was right and I needed help. Rehab didn't keep me sober, but I learned a lot. Sadly, I had to lose a lot more than a job to get sober. Thank God I did. The life I have now is actually worth living.

Abbie and Callie

Someone asked me the other day how Callie and Abbie were getting along.

They are doing well, although Abbie still isn't interested in anything Callie wants to do, like jump on Abbie or chase her through the house. I can't figure out why :-).

Obviously, I have been steadfast in my opinion that I would have no more dogs on the bed after Ozzie died.

Fall is coming

Fall is on it's way. Finally we have had a break from 90 degree weather day in and day out. I think it has been two solid months of that kind of heat. It makes me as cranky as months of cold without respite. We got the Halloween candy at the store three days ago :-). Not even Labor Day and we were stocking the shelves for the end of October. Which means we'll be getting ready for Christmas right before Veteran's Day! Merchandising is an interesting concept.

Christmas has always been my favorite time of year, except 2006, all Christmas' have been very special for me with my family. I think my favorite Christmas was when Eric (my ex-husband) and I were in College. My aunt was married to her second husband and living in Grass Valley in Northern California. We were all invited out for the holiday. Eric and I took the trip out with my grandparents. It was a full two day trip (Grandpa was never in a hurry to get anywhere). The first night we stopped in Elko, Nevada and Grandma's money angel was hanging around. She won $500 that night not even really trying to gamble. She had a quarter and stuck it in a slot machine at the grocery store, won $15 and then at the hotel we played the nickel slots and she kept winning!

We drove to California on I-70, catching highway 15 in Utah and North to I-80. In Northern California we crossed Donner Pass. The world changes there. The trees are larger, the snow is heavier and deeper and the pine cones bigger than anything I've ever seen in my life. One of Callie's favorite things to do on our walks is collect pine cones. These cones would be way too big for my rapidly growing dog. The picture is Colorado Pine Cones look about like a Kiwi fruit or even as big as a naval orange. In California, picture a large Honeydew melon or a small Watermelon. Pretty, so pretty and white and welcoming. When we got to Grass Valley we spent a great week exploring and most mornings were spent out early watching the Wild Turkey's that wandered through my aunts yard. My aunt has since moved Chico, California and is with a great man. We haven't been out there for Christmas, but did spend Thanksgiving there and in San Francisco for my Mom's 50th birthday. I can see why my aunt likes it there so much. If I didn't love where I live so much, I would consider Northern California. Most likely because it is so much like Colorado.

I think we'll spend Christmas here this year, and I look forward to seeing my family and having a great meal and great games of Shang-Hi.