Change

They always say time changes things,but you actually have to change them yourself.- Andy Warhol

I was thinking about this the other day. I can remember being locked in my victim mentality and drinking at my problems and blaming others and thinking things were never going to change, and, if that was the case, I really wanted to die. That's one of the things I don't understand about the drinking demon, if he kills you, how does he get more booze? (take the remark as ironic.)

Then things changed. Something bigger than me pulled me from the depths of despair, I still don't know what, and life changed pretty dramatically, and in reflection very quickly. As things continued to change, some for better, some for worse, I began to build momentum by simply moving forward and staying open to the possibilities in front of me because I had no other choice. Obviously, I wasn't successful in killing myself, I was embarrassed because I couldn't stop drinking, and my behavior under the influence was at best completely outrageous. Therefore, it was time to do something different. In the recesses of my mind, AA was growing as the possibility that has since become a recipe for living (the easiest recipe I've ever followed). It is my willingness to change and grow and consider other avenues that makes my life finally get better and become worth living. I have come to believe that AA not only helps us get sober through the support of like-minded individuals, but as a group, we can lift each other to a better place that helps us make the changes that we have to make to live complete, satisfying lives.

I have a friend in the group who says, tomorrow may not be better, but it will be different. I believe that what he says is true. I also believe that if I do the work, if I make the changes necessary within me, it does get better. I don't question it any longer.